From battling the influence of social media dictating how one should look and feel, to mass media portraying a one-sided image, to pop culture trying to set standards for the majority of households, raising children with healthy self-esteem and a positive view of themselves can be challenging. However, it is a cornerstone of positive development, and the family systems perspective provides a comprehensive framework for understanding and fostering this essential trait.
Family Systems
The family systems perspective views the family as an interconnected unit, where each member’s behavior and emotions impacts each other. For example, when one child struggles with a task and feels frustrated, the other family members respond with empathy and encouragement. This response helps the child feel supported and valued, boosting their self-esteem. On the other hand, if the family were to react with criticism or indifference, it could negatively affect the child’s self-esteem. Therefore, is it important for parents to create an environment that supports healthy self-esteem by encouraging open communication, promoting unity and individuality, establishing clear boundaries and structure, modeling authenticity, and fostering strong sibling and family bonds. Research on early childhood development indicates that the family environment plays a critical role in shaping the self (Harter, 2015, as cited in Krauss, Orth, & Robins, 2020).
Open Communication
Creating a supportive family environment involves encouraging children to express their thoughts and feelings, and validating their experiences and emotions by fostering open communication where every family member feels heard and valued. This validation helps children feel understood and respected, which is important for their self-worth. For example, I often ask my kids about their school day, especially lunch time, what they enjoyed, how their social interactions are going and what might have upset them. When they share, I listen attentively and validate their experiences, letting them know that their emotions are valid and important.
Promoting Unity and Individuality
While family unity is essential, recognizing and supporting each child’s individuality is equally important. Parents should encourage their children to pursue their interests and passions, celebrating their unique talents and achievements. Furthermore, involving children in family decision-making processes empowers them and reinforces their sense of value within the family unit. Whether it’s planning a family vacation or deciding on household chores, giving children a voice in decisions that affect them enhances their confidence and teaches them that their opinions matter. By encouraging children to pursue their interests and involving them in decision-making, it reinforces the importance of each family member’s contributions, strengthening the overall family bond.
Establishing Clear Boundaries
A structured environment that promotes clear boundaries and expectations helps foster acceptable and appropriate behavior, leading to emotional maturity and healthy self-esteem (Effective Discipline for Children, 2004). For example, a parent who consistently establishes and enforces rules and expectations creates an environment where children know what is expected of them. When your child knows what is expected of them, they feel more secure and can focus their learning and growth without being burdened by uncertainty or unpredictability.
Providing Realistic Feedback
According to Brummelman & Sedikides (2020), parents may also foster the development of healthy self-esteem by cultivating realism. This can be done by providing children with honest and constructive feedback. For example, praising your child’s efforts, not just their achievements and acknowledging their strengths as well as their weaknesses, may allow them to learn from their mistakes. Children who receive realistic feedback are able to perceive themselves (e.g., abilities and behaviors) more accurately, which in turn helps them to develop a strong sense of self and confidence in their abilities.
Foster Sibling and Family Bonds
Sibling relationships play a meaningful role in shaping self-esteem. Parents should encourage positive interactions among siblings, teaching them to support and uplift each other. Conflict is inevitable, but guiding children in resolving disputes constructively fosters empathy and mutual respect, enhancing their self-esteem and relational skills. In addition, modeling self-compassion, positive self-talk, and resilience in the face of challenges can set a powerful example, allowing children to mirror these behaviors in their own lives.
Conclusion
Parents should be attentive in identifying and addressing any dysfunctional patterns within the family system that might negatively impact a child’s self-esteem. This includes managing parental conflict, avoiding favoritism, and ensuring that each child receives adequate attention and support. By fostering supportive, inclusive, and respectful family interactions, establishing healthy boundaries, and providing realistic feedback, parents can lay the groundwork for their children’s lifelong self-esteem and well-being.
References
Brummelman, E., & Sedikides, C. (2020). Raising Children with High Self-Esteem (But Not Narcissism). Child Development Perspectives, 83-89.
Krauss, S., Orth, U., & Robins, R. W. (2020). Family Environment and Self-Esteem Development: A Longitudinal Study from Age 10 to 16. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 457-478.
Effective discipline for children. (2004). Paediatrics & Child Health, 9(1), 37–50. Parenting and Healthy Self-Esteem Parenting and Healthy Self-Esteem Parenting and Healthy Self-Esteem Parenting and Healthy Self-Esteem Parenting and Healthy Self-Esteem Parenting and Healthy Self-Esteem health relationships
